Wednesday, December 28, 2005
New Year, New Possibilities for a Better Relationship
With the new year on rapid approach, I thought it would be a great time to share some tips from Lana Holstein for improving your relationship...
Seven Steps to a Better Relationship
STEP 1: Create Your Love Nest
Does your bedroom inspire a romantic liaison or housework? The place where you spend intimate time with your partner needs to be reserved for that, or at least a portion of it does.Set up a pleasing, sacred-feeling place to be with your partner in your own bedroom. And make sure you have the basic love gear: Fresh linens, plenty of large, soft towels, pillows, massage oils, candles, and flowers make the room smell nice.
STEP 2: Practice Soul Gazing
Soul gazing is a Tantric technique for gaining access to the spiritual dimensions of lovemaking.Sit across from your partner on the floor or on a bed. Each of you places your left hand palm up resting in your lap or on your knee. Then place your right hand palm down on your partner’s hand. The left hand represents receiving and the right hand represents giving, so each of you is doing both. Now silently look into the eyes of your partner. Once you have connected, work on breathing together.Coordinating breathing is just the beginning: soon other functions of the nervous system will synchronize.
STEP 3: Practice Open-Heartedness
Achieving a state of open-heartedness is something you can do with your partner. Sit or stand facing each other holding hands. You can be the sender first. Call up the image of a deeply irritating situation. Your partner will witness how it affects you. Then your partner will encourage you to think of a positive image, noticing the changes. Now you choose which image you’ll think of, without telling your partner first. The receiver can guess which image you’re contemplating based on the responses in your body and your breathing.Each of you can take a turn at being the sender.
STEP 4: Release Your Anger
Make a conscious decision to give up your anger about one thing. Grudges, anger and persistent irritability kill desire. If you are in the habit of holding on to hurts, you are creating a chasm between you and your partner. The truth is, there are plenty of irritations we hang on to purely out of habit. They do not serve us any longer, except to continue feelings of spitefulness and separation.You may have been right, you may have been completely justified, but is that worth extinguishing the heat of love? It is time to give them up and go on with the wonderful bliss of loving.
STEP 5: Exchange Open-Heart Lists
Exchange with your partner a list of five things that would open your heart if your partner did them. Your partner may dream of things you would have never guessed.Perhaps your partner wants you to learn to play tennis with him, or go hiking with her, or learn more about history or read a particular book. You’ll never know if you don’t ask your partner what they would like, and tell them what you would like. Anything you do to make another happy is a loving act. It all flows from generosity, which is what the being openhearted is really about.
STEP 6: Share What's on Your Mind
Schedule 30 minutes today to share intimate thoughts on your life together. Each of you should have 15 minutes to talk without interruption. Support your partner by asking him or her to “tell you more."This is not only an excellent way to find out what’s on your partner’s mind; it’s a great way to diffuse anger. If both partners get a chance to speak uninterrupted, and without any defensive feedback, they can sometimes work their way through something that was bothering them. Sometimes it's a great relief just to find someone who will listen.
STEP 7: Schedule Time for Sex
People really resist this. “You mean I have to write it in my calendar?” Yes, you do. And you have to keep the appointment. You schedule the rest of your life, why not your sex life? Not spontaneous enough, you say? The more often you can get together with your partner on a regular basis, the better the two of you will get at connecting your hearts and souls and the more quickly you can make great sex happen.
Seven Steps to a Better Relationship
STEP 1: Create Your Love Nest
Does your bedroom inspire a romantic liaison or housework? The place where you spend intimate time with your partner needs to be reserved for that, or at least a portion of it does.Set up a pleasing, sacred-feeling place to be with your partner in your own bedroom. And make sure you have the basic love gear: Fresh linens, plenty of large, soft towels, pillows, massage oils, candles, and flowers make the room smell nice.
STEP 2: Practice Soul Gazing
Soul gazing is a Tantric technique for gaining access to the spiritual dimensions of lovemaking.Sit across from your partner on the floor or on a bed. Each of you places your left hand palm up resting in your lap or on your knee. Then place your right hand palm down on your partner’s hand. The left hand represents receiving and the right hand represents giving, so each of you is doing both. Now silently look into the eyes of your partner. Once you have connected, work on breathing together.Coordinating breathing is just the beginning: soon other functions of the nervous system will synchronize.
STEP 3: Practice Open-Heartedness
Achieving a state of open-heartedness is something you can do with your partner. Sit or stand facing each other holding hands. You can be the sender first. Call up the image of a deeply irritating situation. Your partner will witness how it affects you. Then your partner will encourage you to think of a positive image, noticing the changes. Now you choose which image you’ll think of, without telling your partner first. The receiver can guess which image you’re contemplating based on the responses in your body and your breathing.Each of you can take a turn at being the sender.
STEP 4: Release Your Anger
Make a conscious decision to give up your anger about one thing. Grudges, anger and persistent irritability kill desire. If you are in the habit of holding on to hurts, you are creating a chasm between you and your partner. The truth is, there are plenty of irritations we hang on to purely out of habit. They do not serve us any longer, except to continue feelings of spitefulness and separation.You may have been right, you may have been completely justified, but is that worth extinguishing the heat of love? It is time to give them up and go on with the wonderful bliss of loving.
STEP 5: Exchange Open-Heart Lists
Exchange with your partner a list of five things that would open your heart if your partner did them. Your partner may dream of things you would have never guessed.Perhaps your partner wants you to learn to play tennis with him, or go hiking with her, or learn more about history or read a particular book. You’ll never know if you don’t ask your partner what they would like, and tell them what you would like. Anything you do to make another happy is a loving act. It all flows from generosity, which is what the being openhearted is really about.
STEP 6: Share What's on Your Mind
Schedule 30 minutes today to share intimate thoughts on your life together. Each of you should have 15 minutes to talk without interruption. Support your partner by asking him or her to “tell you more."This is not only an excellent way to find out what’s on your partner’s mind; it’s a great way to diffuse anger. If both partners get a chance to speak uninterrupted, and without any defensive feedback, they can sometimes work their way through something that was bothering them. Sometimes it's a great relief just to find someone who will listen.
STEP 7: Schedule Time for Sex
People really resist this. “You mean I have to write it in my calendar?” Yes, you do. And you have to keep the appointment. You schedule the rest of your life, why not your sex life? Not spontaneous enough, you say? The more often you can get together with your partner on a regular basis, the better the two of you will get at connecting your hearts and souls and the more quickly you can make great sex happen.
