Gottman notes that if you are stuck in gridlock (as referenced in Part 1), it means that you each have dreams that aren’t being addressed or respected by one another. By dreams, Gottman references hopes, aspirations and wishes within each of us on a gridlock issue. These dreams give us purpose, meaning and shape our identity. We must release and honor both partners dreams that are being ignored. If you see your spouse as your sole issue you’re probably wrestling with your own dream. If you try burying it, it will only prove futile. Never expect partner to desert their dream b/c it will lead to frustration and more gridlock. Become a dream detective and remember that there is always room for almost any desire. All feelings and wishes are acceptable.